This was the first Call Her Daddy podcast I have ever watched. I had heard about Call Her Daddy a lot last year due to the two original hosts having a very public falling out. Honestly, I couldn't tell you any details about the ordeal... just that podcast in the Hip-Hop arena I listen to (Joe Budden) was even talking about them.
I decided to listen to this podcast because Alex was interviewing Mia Khalifa. Admittedly, I didn't know too much about Ms. Khalifa before listening to her on Call Her Daddy but the LITTLE of her story I did know was very intriguing. If I'm going to be TOTALLY honest, I didn't listen to any previous podcast Mia was on because she was often being interviewed by men. I just wasn't interested in the male perspective of who she was. However, seeing her sit down with another woman, Alex in this case, intrigued me to listen to her. Boy was I blown away.
Let me just get this out of the way. Alex is an excellent interviewer. The dynamic between her and Mia could be felt instantly. It was like listening to two best friends who hadn't seen each other in years catching up over a girls' night in. The interview was fun, honest, raw, and inspirational.
As a new listener, I like that Alex calls the listeners “Daddy Gang” (not followers or fans… she’s likable and not pretentious). I also respected how she set up the interview. She really wanted to get to know Mia on a personal level. The night before the interview they met up to discuss what Mia would be comfortable talking about. To me, this is an important way to establish trust, especially with a young woman who has been through so much in such a short period of (still) her young adult life.
I really appreciated how authentically raw Mia decided to be. It’s important for us to express our truths. It’s interviews like these that will help at least one young girl out as she navigates this world and her self-identity.
This interview made Mia 4 dimensional. She is a young woman that people should, and can, look up to.
Here are the 5 most important lessons I found in the Call Me Daddy interview with Mia Khalifa:
1.) Don't look for validation through men (or anyone for that matter)
If you have been following me on the blog for a while, then you know that I think it’s very important for women to know that they can never seek validation through men.
Other people cannot validate who you are as a person. Only you can do that. This is something that needs to be instilled in every girl. These girls turn into women. Every single day we need to instill these types of values into our daughter, nieces, granddaughter, grandnieces, godchildren. They must not make the mistake of looking for their value through people who don’t even know their own.
She touches on toxic manipulated relationships and the fact that she got into them because she didn’t think highly of herself. She thought these relationships were the best that she deserved and would overextend herself and overdeliver just to keep this person happy.
One of the things that helped her start growing and understanding how detrimental her behavior was, when she realized in her most toxic relationship that she was living and thinking, not for her best interest, but the interest of other people. She was pleasing people not worthy of her, instead of taking care of herself.
When she realized she was wearing a self-given handcuff, she released herself from those shackles. She learned how she was being used and how she was allowing these people to tell her what she was worth, not the other way around.
Alex brings it home when she says, "the way that you feel about yourself directly impacts the partner that you chose." The girl took them to church with that one.
2.) Body Image - Connect with your Authentic Inner Beauty First
A woman should do whatever she wants to do with her body. However, I do suggest that people not undergo cosmetic surgery if they’re doing it to please other people. If you are doing it for you and it’s only for you, go for it. But if you’re doing it so people can find you attractive, then take some time to reconsider.
What happens is, if you’re not happy with yourself before the surgery? You’ll get temporary happiness, then go back to finding “something else wrong” with you. Generally, there is nothing physically wrong. It's just the perception of what you think society finds attractive.
In Mia’s case, she thought it was her breast that was making her feel low and self-conscience about herself. It wasn’t.
Even after the 60lbs weight loss and the breast implants and breast lift… she still saw that chubby girl. Because she didn’t deal with the core of her issue she couldn’t connect with her authentic inner beauty because all she could do is still see and feel that chubby girl that game to America in 2001.
Because she couldn’t see that, she was clinging on to men that didn’t deserve her because she didn’t think she deserved the attention.
3.) Therapy Needs to be Normalized
Going to Therapy has really allowed her to better love and understand herself. She, literally, sings the word therapy. “We need to normalize asking people if they are in therapy” she states to Alex.
I am so happy this country is starting to accept the amazing benefits of therapy. Mia started going to therapy around the age of 23 and she claims that it changed her life. She suggests that you should try many different therapists.
She compares it to dating, finding a trainer, or finding the right dermatologist. You’re not going to connect with the first one.
She states that therapy has helped her deal with the overall theme of shame for her. How shame has impacted her life. She believes this may be the number one issue for several people.
4.) Friendships are Important
Mia speaks so beautifully about her friendship with a woman named Rachel Ray (not the chef of the woman that Jay-Z (allegedly) cheated with). This is an important relationship to her because it’s the first time she felt unconditional love. She felt protected by having this person in her life. Rachel helped Mia rebuild her trust in others. Their friendship helped Mia understand that she was the type of relationship she needed to experience because it’s connections like these that help us understand who deserves to be in your life and who doesn’t.
Our friends see things in us that we don’t see in ourselves. Alex touches on this when they speak about the blowback Malala Yousafzai received after replying to Mia Khalifa calling her "bestie". Mia started getting imposter syndrome because she couldn’t understand how such an iconic leader like Malala could follower her.
But Alex drives a VERY important point home that really touches Mia, "she saw something in you. She followed you. She followed you for a reason".
5.) Mindset Change is Essential to Changing Your Life
Overall, changing her mindset by understanding her worth helped her leave toxic relationships.
Not only with these men but with herself. She started becoming unafraid to tell her story. She got out of the mindset of “people just won’t understand.” She advises women to take that step. She acknowledged that it’s scary, but she wants women to take that step and begin speaking with people about their stories.
I implore everyone to watch the full interview here. Let me know in the comments what you think.
