One of the biggest pleasures in shooting boudoir is meeting and capturing Ms. I. She is the first boudoir client I have photographed with vitiligo.
Ms. I is an incredible woman with a beautiful story. Too often, people think boudoir is just about getting in front of the camera and looking pretty. But as we all know, there is so much more to boudoir than just getting dolled up. It's about the story that leads women to this moment. While Ms. I's story may be triggering to some, it serves as a beautiful inspirational narrative influenced by embracing your full self-worth ONLY validated by you.
Q: I just have to say it, your confidence level is out of this world! Have you always been this confident? If not, how did you learn to be confident?
A: Oh good God no! I had low confidence since I was a teenager because I didn't like how my body was built. I was literally shaped like a lower case letter "i" and had no boobs and butt. Then I was a late bloomer in college and thanks to track and field, I finally got a butt but still no boobs. For the longest, I thought I had a "man" body and was too muscular and not curvy. While I was in college, I developed vitiligo which increased my insecurities because the dermatologist said, "I'm so sorry...and you had such beautiful brown skin." I felt cursed. Unfortunately having low confidence and self-esteem can attract the wrong people in your life which led me to get raped by a wolf in sheep's clothing. I continued to beat myself and hated the image that I saw in the mirror. Then there comes a point that even in your lowest moment, the only direction you can truly look is up. The truth to life is that nobody will love you more than you ever love yourself. So treat yourself right. With that in mind, I accepted my circumstances (thank you Serenity prayer) and started to take pride in my skin condition and view myself as a "work of art."
Q: You were a delight to work with. When planning your boudoir session, what emotions were you feeling?
A: No lie I was super nervous because I NEVER thought in my life I would be right for a boudoir shoot. When I think of boudoir, I think of Victoria's Secret models who have an idealistic body with perfect boobs and hour shape body. I didn't have that type of body, but I was willing to embrace the challenge. Once the nerves went away, I got excited because I'm about to do something that will break an old mental wall that I carried since I was a teenager.
Q: Compared to before the session, how did you feel during and after the shoot?
A: Once I tried on the beautiful one-piece lingerie, I was shocked because I never thought that I had the body for lingerie. I looked at myself in the mirror, embraced the image, and felt empowered because I knew that this shoot will be special. The boudoir shoot was the first time that I felt truly sexy in a genuine way. I'm an awkward nerd, but the boudoir session brought out an inner sex kitten that I didn't know existed. For the first time ever, I felt a "model's" high after the shoot. It was like holy sh*t I did it! I broke a mental wall that held me back from really loving myself. Thanks to that shoot, I'm more motivated than ever to buy more lingerie and participate in more boudoir shoots.
Q: We shoot a lot of women, all with incredible stories and backgrounds. However, you are the first person who we had the privilege of capturing who has Vitiligo. I love how you have owned this. I know learning about this for some people can be really hard. How did you own this and what do you hope to teach people about Vitiligo?
A: It took me a very long time to own my vitiligo instead of letting vitiligo own me. As a matter of fact, I remember watching an episode of America's Next Top Model, and Shaun Ross (model with albinism) exuded so much confidence and comfort in his skin, and he brought up his campaign that he was running. He said the one phrase that's still embedded in my head forever. "In my skin, I win!" Once Shaun said that a light bulb came on in my head, and I started to view my spots as if they were art pieces in my body canvas.
My biggest hope is that images of myself and others with vitiligo will help people in society to not look at us or others with physical imperfections as freaks or with pity. We're humans just like everybody else and beautiful too with our perfect imperfections.
Q: There seems to be a change in tide with the concept of beauty in our world, especially in the world of vitiligo. One of the most famous names right now is Winnie Harlow. How does the expansion of beauty norms make you feel?
A: I'm so inspired and ecstatic. Winnie Harlow opened the doors for many of us with vitiligo, and it's a breath of fresh air to see other people with vitiligo in photoshoots or acting. I'm happy to see that the definition of the "standard of beauty" is changing and helping others who are insecure to embrace themselves.
Q: What is one misconception about vitiligo that you would like to clear up?
A: Unfortunately there is a good amount of ignorant people who believe that vitiligo is a "curse" from the bible (in reference to having leprosy). We're not cursed, and there's a difference between having leprosy and vitiligo. We're human beings and not bad "cursed" people.
Q: You are also an actress. What inspired you to get into acting and who are some of the greats whose careers you admire?
A: I loved the attention I got from friends and family as a kid when I told stories and doing impressions of others. My mom exposed me to a lot of theater plays and movies; therefore I knew that acting was my creative outlet for expressing myself. As for actors, I absolutely love Viola Davis and Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep is the prime example that you don't have to be super gorgeous to make it but let your talent do the talking for you. Viola Davis is everything to me. You know you're a phenomenal actress if doing the ugly cry with snot running out of your nose will help you win an Oscar (Movie Fences) or Emmy (How to Get Away With Murder).
Q: If there is one thing you want the world to learn about you, what would you want to convey?
A: In the words of Janelle Monae, "Even if it makes others uncomfortable, I will love who I am."
